From Pakistan: I talk to myself all the time.i am doing this far as long as i can remember.what i do is that i create a lot of people in my mind and a story plot and then i start acting it out. i do it aloud and acted out the part of every person i created .i prolong single story for weeks at a time. it seems like my stories age with me. when i was a kid , stories were kid stories like a family of ants, talking animals, miniature people living in forest. but as i get older my stories became more of adult kind. now these are about couples, family issues or on friends.
in the start i used to do to this in bath room or closed room and the second i leave the room i am back in my present life. now i am more consumed by them , even if i am sitting with my family ,i would be in my head constantly talking to my characters as if an ongoing serial.
i tried writing my stories but as soon as i started writing my mind goes blank. what i do realize is if i am sad my stories get a happy turn, if i am angry stories became apologetic , if i am happy they turned to be sad.
The other problem i have is that i have no idea how to socialize. What normally happens is that i would be sitting with group but i wouldn’t take part in the conservation. It is like i am a spectator not part of the group. I am like this with every person i know, my parents, brothers, friends, cousins every one. But there are few days when i wont stop talking or laughing but this phase is becoming more and more small now. Now a days i am usually just want to be left alone in my room. I don’t want to be part of any conversation or any family gatherings. I would lay down on the bed and not move for hours at a time. would get furious over small things and start crying. sometimes i had quite a big fight but I’ll be emotionless afterwards.
Also i am losing interest in things i usually love to do before. I can’t concentrate on things now. my focus keeps on shifting. Its like one day i want to do something and next day i don’t want to do it. I would make plans and then keep postponing them. I am pushing my friends away.
I think the two problems are related. Since you have been unable to figure out how to be comfortable with other people, you started creating a different world in your head where you have more fun and more control. Apparently, this started when you were very young. It makes sense to me that the more uncomfortable you get socially, the more your alternative world takes over.
A problem like this cannot be solved with simple advice. I encourage you to find a therapist who can help you with this long standing problem. You need practical support and coaching to develop the skills you need to be comfortable with other people.
It would be sad if you give up your considerable story telling skills. A therapist can help you separate the useful part of your well-developed talent and skills as a writer from your social issues.
I’m glad you wrote to us. These are problems that can be solved if you get the proper help. I hope you will take the next step and work with a therapist.
I wish you well.