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Survey says that
moms are most stressed
(August/September
2008 Issue)
By Elinor Nelson
It won't come as a surprise to mothers between 35 and 54 years
of age, but now it's official: the American Psychological Association's
2007 Stress in America survey confirms that these women are the
most stressed group in America. Balancing the care of their children,
partners and parents, combined with paying for college and saving
for retirement is taking its toll.
Nearly 40 percent of these women report extreme levels of stress,
with 83 percent pointing to relationships with their family, children
and spouse as the top source of stress. Attempting to take care
of themselves is causing stress, too.
Stevan Hobfoll, Ph.D, professor and chairperson of the department
of behavioral sciences at Rush Medical College in Chicago, sees
the stress stemming from women more than men assuming the "caretaker"
role. Many women choose the role, Hobfoll states, but it can also
be a burden. "There needs to be a fundamental change of thought
for both men and women."
The solution, he says, is for others to take more responsibility
and he has some specific ideas for how to facilitate this change.
"Men have to step up," Hobfoll says and women need to learn to ask
for nurturing and to accept it. Often, he adds, women resent having
to ask men for help, thinking that men should know enough to offer
without women's prompting. However, many men may need to be cued
- and women could be less stressed if they accept the need to cue
and the help that follows.
Of course, men also need to become more competent in the care taking
role and sons need to be taught to get involved, too. Hobfoll suggests
that women would be less stressed if they used their resources to
"take on less, not more." For example, he advises, rather than using
extra money to buy a fancier car, it would be better to buy some
kind of timesaving device or to use the money to hire help who could
ease the burden of care.
Hobfoll also recommends women engaging their elderly parents in
conversations about what sort of care they want and need - even
if these are difficult conversations to contemplate. It may make
sense to ask adult parents to think about moving to an assisted
living facility or to use some of their own financial resources
to ease the burden on their adult children.
Carole Rayburn, Ph.D, a clinical, consulting and research psychologist
in Maryland has studied stress and views the survey findings as
an economic equation, where "women . . . may feel the burden of
diminishing supply and overactive demands." There is a limit to
a woman's stamina, time and money to deal with both ends of the
family, Rayburn says, "yet [each family member] may feel most deserving
of her resources. There is only so much she can give until the system
breaks down."
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