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Maine offers
training in collaborative divorce process
(June 2008
Issue)
By Pamela Berard
Maine is one of the newest states to train psychologists and other
professionals in collaborative divorce, an alternative to traditional
litigation.
Kids First Center, a nonprofit agency in Portland, which provides
support to parents and children experiencing separation or divorce,
has begun holding training sessions for mental health, legal and
financial professionals in the collaborative divorce process. Catherine
C. Miller, a Maine lawyer who is on the board for the Kids First
Center and part of a new Maine Collaborative Law Council, says the
process - which is already practiced in several states including
Massachusetts - is based on mutual respect.
With collaborative divorce, both parties pledge in writing that
they are not going to go to court, Miller says. The parties also
pledge that they will exchange information in a meeting-like setting
and will work together to resolve issues. "Just because people are
divorcing and they may be angry at each other, doesn't mean they
can't work together," Miller says. "We can either let a judge decide,
or (the divorcing couple) can put their differences aside and work
together on what makes sense."
Miller says staging a divorce in a counselor-like setting can help
lessen the emotional toll.
Some mental health professionals in Maine have already taken the
training.
Psychologist Diane Tennies, Ph.D., who has a private practice in
Bangor, was trained in the collaborative divorce process in March.
She explains that both parties in divorce may experience anger and
are often at conflict and that their attorneys sometimes develop
that same adversarial dynamic. What psychologists bring to the table
is "the ability to pay attention to the emotional and psychological
processes of something that has historically been cut and dry,"
she says. During the traditional divorce process, people sometimes
"don't feel like they had a voice. So when the court proceedings
are over and the lawyers leave, the animosity lingers."
With collaborative divorce, the couples' "legal rights are still
preserved, but it brings on board other professionals who lay a
foundation toward moving toward consensus building," Tennies adds,
noting that the collaborative divorce process can have "enormous"
benefits for children.
"We will have given (the divorcees) a mechanism to resolve conflicts
and a framework for going forward," which can benefit good parenting.
"The idea being to successfully disengage from a marital relationship
while preserving your parental role with the kids," she says.
Collaborative divorce has been in practice in Massachusetts since
the first training about eight years ago. Gina Arons, Psy. D., a
collaborative practice coach in Massachusetts, says collaborative
practice is beginning to make its way into the mainstream. "On a
personal level, I am now involved in several divorce cases that
are using collaborative practice and I find it exciting and rewarding
to be part of this important work."
There are several models but the basic premise is that both attorneys
agree to sign a document stating that they will not litigate, Arons
says. If the process breaks down, each party will have to begin
again with new counsel.
Some collaborative divorces involve two divorce coaches and two
attorneys; some involve two attorneys and a mental health professional
to serve as the "neutral" and others employ child specialists or
financial specialists.
Of the models, the one Arons said she has come to value most is
the one in which she serves in the role of "the neutral."
"At each five-way meeting (two attorneys, two clients, one neutral)
I am present as a member of the collaborative team," she says. "I
help to facilitate the process in difficult or tense moments in
order to keep the collaborative process on track.
"There are often moments that are very painful or upsetting and
I think it is very helpful to have a neutral person in the room
who is a trained mental health professional who can aid in bringing
things back into balance," she says.
Arons clarifies to clients that in all discussion there will be
a "transparency...This means that all information is brought back
to the team."
She says she begins by asking clients about their goals - what
are their hopes about what things will be like at the end of the
process?
"I explain that when they married they probably began with certain
hopes and dreams about their lives together. What collaborative
process offers is a potentially more satisfying way of encouraging
people to think about what their hopes and dreams are as they move
forward in their lives. This encourages people to think about cooperating
rather than further hurting or disappointing each other. It is a
respectful process. The attorneys are both working together to come
up with the best agreement possible for both parties," she says.
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